Maintaining Sexual Health in the Big City

This weekend one of my girlfriends shared a truly horrific story with me, and the real tragedy of her tale is that it could have been prevented by open and honest communication. This story contains adult content, so the young and faint of heart should probably stop reading right here.

All of you grown-ups who could use a little tale that's one part Brothers Grimm, one part Sex in the City, and too many parts "happens all the time," gather 'round.

My friend met her last boyfriend when she was about 30. He was a well-educated guy who used big words to describe art and came from a nice middle-class household. When they started dating, they did all the right things, like practicing safe sex (or so she thought).

After they had been intimate for three months, her new boyfriend sat her down and confessed that he was having an outbreak of herpes. He told her that they should abstain from having sex until it passed, and hoped that she would be understanding.

She was, unfortunately. Here's my problem with the whole scenario: he put her at risk the moment they became intimate. Condoms help prevent herpes, but they don't protect against it completely. And most people don't use condoms when performing oral sex, if you get my meaning.

Even though her partner knew he had an incurable sexually transmitted disease (STD) and could have informed her so that she could have taken the necessary precautions, he chose not to divulge his condition until it was impossible to hide it. He changed her life forever without giving her a choice.

Again, this was a clean-cut, well-educated guy from a good family.

A recent Canadian study showed that most people rely on subjective measures to judge their partners' "safety" when it comes to STDs. These criteria included how long that they've known their partner or their partner's intelligence.

If you are going to be sexually active in the big city you need a healthy balance of trust, which is tricky to achieve in our modern world. On the one hand, you've got to trust your partner to be healthy and faithful - otherwise why would you sleep with them?

On the other, more important hand, you need to communicate openly, honestly, and specifically about sexually transmitted diseases before you engage in foreplay. Most STDs can be cured with a healthy dose of antibiotics, but viruses like herpes and HIV last a lifetime.

What's more uncomfortable? A five minute conversation with an attractive person or a lifetime of randomly-occurring itching, painful and oozing sores?

Ultimately,we're all responsible for our own health and our own bodies, and it's inappropriate to blame someone else for not protecting us properly. If we're sexually active, we're all adults (or, at the very least, we all have adult responsibilities) and, therefore, responsible for our own choices.

Choose wisely. Stay informed.